valentine's day

good morning - this is going to be a rant...it's 4:00 a.m. and i can't sleep because of this damn twitching.  i'm having a drink [which would make my doctors crazy] and bemoaning the fact that, because of my epilepsy [the other half of my afflictions] and my inability to drive i can't even get my wife a valentine's card.  i made one yesterday - like some kindergartener - with a plain piece of paper and some different colored pens.  i hope she likes it.

the most frustrating thing about these diseases is one's loss of independence.  we live far enough in the country that i can't walk to get the papers - or coffee - or lunch, whatever.  thank god for computers and tvs...without them, and the odd book or crossword puzzle, i'd go nuts.  i don't know how in "the old days" people survived this kind of mess - but i suppose they didn't.

this business puts a hell of a strain on sally, too.  she's got a complicated company to run - not to mention a "complicated" husband to run.

i know i sound as if i'm feeling sorry for myself and there are a hell of a lot of people in this world who are worse off than i, but i am feeling sorry for myself - and not a little pissed off.  like arno, at sea drifting on a flipped zodiac, i haven't many attractive possibilities.  unfortunately, there are no friendly seafarers in the area to come to my rescue so i can "return to camp and go on fishing."

nope.  this is it - this is the way it will end.  slowly, i'm sure, but inevitably.  and it won't be graceful - and grace is what i suppose we all hope for.

i told you this would be a rant...i only wish i felt better for it and that i could come to better terms with my condition.